Grounding in the Face of Insecurity and Uncertainty
Grounding in the Face of Insecurity and Uncertainty
by Jess Kopitz, MS, TLLP
“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” – John Allen Paulos
As humans, we’re designed to adapt to change, but our brains are also wired for patterns and predictability. This means when we feel unsure or insecure, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by negative emotions like anxiety, anger, fear, or shame. We rely on predictability to help us navigate our days, so when that predictability is disrupted, it can throw us off balance.
But life doesn’t always stick to a script. Change and ambiguity often pop up when we least expect them. When we lose our sense of safety or control over what happens next, we can find ourselves struggling with insecurity and uncertainty.
Insecurity
Insecurity often shows up when we feel a loss of safety. It’s when we perceive something as threatening or harmful. This threat can come from the outside, like fearing someone might hurt us, or from within, like doubting our own worth or abilities. Insecurity tends to bring on anxiety because we worry that the threat might actually happen.
Uncertainty
Uncertainty, on the other hand, is all about not knowing what’s ahead. We feel uncertain when we’re unsure of what’s coming next, and we often get caught up in worrying about the unknown. Our minds tend to jump to worst-case scenarios, which only makes anxiety and distress worse.
Effects
Uncertainty affects everyone in different ways. Some people adjust without much trouble, while others might experience mood swings, trouble sleeping, or difficulty coping. Stress can show up as racing thoughts, irritability, anxiety, sadness, or a lack of motivation. If you’re feeling this way, remember that there are always steps you can take to manage these feelings.
Check-Ins and Grounding
Since insecurity and uncertainty can bring up some tough emotions, it’s helpful to confront them when they arise. One of the most effective ways to do this is by checking in with ourselves and grounding ourselves in the present moment.
Checking in means taking a moment to ask ourselves some important questions to make sure our thoughts and feelings are accurate. Here are some questions that might help:
- Am I really in danger? We often feel like something’s threatening us, but sometimes it’s more about anxiety or discomfort than an actual threat. For instance, feeling hurt when a friend doesn’t approve of us isn’t life-threatening.
- Can I make myself safe? Sometimes, we really are in danger. If that’s the case, we need to ask ourselves if there’s something we can do to take control of the situation and keep ourselves safe. Can we leave a harmful situation? Can we distance ourselves from dangerous people? Often, we have more control than we realize.
- How uncertain am I? Sometimes, we know more than we think we do. While we might not know exactly what’s going to happen, we can often make a pretty good guess or at least narrow down what’s likely. Sometimes the real challenge is trusting ourselves to handle uncertainty, rather than the uncertainty itself.
- What can I do next? Whether we’re feeling insecure or uncertain, it’s easy to get stuck in those feelings and lose sight of what we can control. But we always have choices. Focusing on what we can do next helps bring back our sense of autonomy and control.
Asking these questions and checking in with ourselves helps us stay grounded in reality. It can ease those feelings of insecurity and uncertainty, and remind us that we have the power to take charge of our lives.
Jess Kopitz, MS, TLLP, serves as a therapist, provider of psychological assessment services, and coordinator of assessment programs. She uses psychodynamic, cognitive-behavioral, and mindfulness-based strategies in work with adolescents. She is also an active community volunteer in the community to support mental health in under-resourced areas.
